I Hate You, I Love You
by firegirl08
Summary: Told from 2 perspectives, takes place during summer of Order of the Pheonix. First person viewpoints of a relationship that should never have happened. SBxHG, rating is for safety. Final chapter is up. Also available in Spanish under emeraude.lefey
1. I Hate Him

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, that belongs solely to J.K. Rowling. Nor do I own the characters used in this story.

Takes place during the summer before fifth year. Told from two perspectives, you can figure them out, I'm sure. Reviews are appreciated, but if you flame me just because you're having a bad day, don't expect me to listen. Gracias!

Chapter 1: I Hate Him

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I hate him because of how he makes me feel…like I'm falling and I can't stop. I sense the ground coming up, but amazingly…I don't care.

I hate him because of the situation we are in. This age difference…it is impractical. Nothing good will come of it. The sneaking around, the stolen moments…it makes every day so much more difficult! He is my best friend's godfather…what would Harry do if he found out?

I hate him because of how he acts around me…even in front of the others, he can make me feel faint with a single glance. I, who has never, **ever**, been lost for words, become a bumbling idiot around him.

I hate him because of how he makes me act. At dinner, he always sits too close…I swear he is going to get us caught. I have to pretend to be completely normal while he brushes my hand with his, or touches my shoulder when speaking to me. All I want to do is break down and let him have his way with me. I see that mischievous glint in his eyes…he is torturing me on purpose. When we do get that rare moment alone, he always leaves me feeling dizzy, giddy…and people ask me what is wrong! How do I explain t to them?

'Well, Mrs. Weasley, my secret lover, Sirius, just caught me in the second-floor broom closet and snogged the daylights out of me.'

Yes, that would go over well.

I hate him because he can explain things away so easily. He has come up with brilliant cover stories to explain why he was holding me (yesterday, "She nearly slipped down the stairs), or why he brushed my hand on several occasions. It is so simple for him!

I hate that I fall apart so easily around him. I hate sneaking around. Most of all, I hate leaving him at 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning.

I hate how the others underestimate him. He can do just as much from Number 12 as they can! He happens to be a brilliant strategist. They keep him so much in the dark, and it kills him. He hates being cooped up here…surely he could go on the occasional mission!

I hate hearing him wake up in the middle of the night. It kills me, to not know what is haunting him so. I have a feeling it has something to do with Azkaban, among other things, but he won't tell me! All he does is let me comfort him, and then holds me until I fall asleep.

God, as much as I hate the man, I love him more.


	2. I Love Him

Disclaimer: Again, don't own.

Chapter 2: I Love Him

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I love him because of how he makes me feel…like I'm the only woman in the world. Yes, he makes me feel like a fully-grown woman, not the sixteen-year-old I am. He makes me feel like a goddess. He respects what I say. I value that so much.

I love him because of our situation. All this sneaking around gets me so high on adrenaline. The stolen moments and near misses…we've almost gotten caught too many times to count. Each time leaves me with my heart pounding and my blood racing. It makes me that much more eager for night to fall. The difference in our ages makes it all the more thrilling.

I love how he acts when we are alone. All of a sudden, he becomes so relaxed. He lets most of his barriers down, and we talk as though we have known each other forever. He almost becomes the Marauder he was when Harry's parents were still alive. He looks at me as though he were younger, and I older. He gets a gleam in his eye that spells mischief.

I love him because I can finally relax, as though we had not a care in the world. He makes me laugh so easily, and he can make me want him with one touch, with one breath against my neck. He can make me lose it so easily.

I love him because he can keep his head in situations where I nearly lose mine. He's saved our asses more than once with that level head.

I love him because I can come to his room after everyone is asleep, and he'll be waiting. I love how he drives me crazy with his touch, how his lips travel over my body. I love feeling his weight on top of me, the feel of him sliding into me as his tongue works wonders in my mouth. I love falling over the edge together, and coming back down, his arms secured around me protectively.

And I love his sweet pillow talk afterwards.

I love how he never wants me to leave, how he opens up, how he lets me be strong for him when he needs to break down.

Others would judge us, but I don't give a damn.


	3. I Hate Her

Disclaimer: Yes, I do not own. Haven't I said it before?

Okay...his point of view. This was a little harder to write, being a girl. I'm thinking about going back and editing the last chapter, because my final chapter is a little more...graphic. But I think the way I wrote it fits Hermione's personality better. Read and review!

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I Hate Her

I hate how she feels that she must always be so perfect. She already is. I hate her because of how she acts…as though she must be everything to everyone. She is only one person, for God's sake!

I hate her because of how she makes me act. I was reckless to begin with…now it's like I have a death wish. If Molly ever caught us…or Remus…but I keep toeing that line. Making her lust after me at dinner, catching her in a closet or her room and kissing her senseless…. All because of her.

I hate how she makes me feel. I feel like a lecher, but a young lecher. If she were twenty, or even eighteen, it would never bother me…but she's sixteen! There is something wrong with that! I can't help myself when I am around her, though. Every time she looks at me, I feel young and reckless, and I want to lose myself in her right there.

I hate her because of the situations she puts me in. Every time I fall victim to her, the Temptress, I nearly lose my head. I have to lie, hide the truth from those who would tear us apart. With every lie, I feel like I'm chipping away at the trust Remus and the others, especially Harry, put in me. God…if Harry found out I was shagging one of his best mates…

I hate her because of how she acts around me. It's like she wants to pull down all the barriers I've put up. She wants to be my strength, my one release, and she doesn't see that she already is. I trust her…but there are just some things I can't share…like all those years I wasted away in Azkaban.

I hate how irresistible she is…that long brown hair that falls in her face when she reads, her determined look as she attacks the mysterious stain in the sitting room carpet, her smiling, full, kissable lips, her long eyelashes her penetrating brown eyes…uh…her body, with curve belying her age, long, flexible legs, her soft, touchable skin…so soft…Temptress.

I hate how our few moments alone always get interrupted, just as things are getting hot. The other day, I would have had my way with her right on the kitchen table if it hadn't been for Molly…thank God she doesn't have an eye like Mad-Eye. Those moments are so precious.

I hate it when she leaves me at 4:30 every morning. It would go ill for us if she didn't, but I hate how fast the cold creeps up on the side she leaves empty. I hate the feeling of loss that comes with her absence. I don't know how I'll handle her return to school. I don't want to spend another lonely night.

I hate how much she matters to me. I hate what she does to me. I hate how she makes me lose my breath.

As much as I hate her, I can't resist her.

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Please review! Love it? Hate it?

I don't even know how this story came up. It was probably after I read a SiriusxHermione fic that got right down to the nitty gritty. This is really more of a look into the human psyche, studying the attraction between two people. If you've never felt it, I guess you couldn't really understand, but this gets pretty close. Gracias!


	4. I Love Her

Welcome to the final chapter. Sirius's point of view again.

Disclaimer: Me no owny...and yes I am add. Just kidding, not really

WARNING: Gets very graphic towards the end (it is Sirius after all). If you no likey, you no ready.

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I Love Her

I love her because she loves me. She sees me for who I really am. She knows me at my barest moments. She is a comfort when I need comfort, a strength when I need strength, a level head when I need logic, and a friend when I need friendship. Most importantly, she is my lover.

I love how realistic, how calculating, how courageous she is. She will be a great asset to the Order when she comes of age. I love that she wants to help any and every way she possibly can. I love that she is so giving, and I love giving back to her. She is way too good for me.

I love how she makes me feel. When she's around, I feel like I'm twenty-one again, and Azkaban never happened. She never acts like a teenager. She is a woman, and I treat her like one. She makes me feel recklessly dangerous. She can make me hard with just a look.

I love how she makes me act. She brings out that Black reckless streak. With her smile, she makes me want to draw her close and snog her in front of the entire household. I usually settle for a quick session in the closest closet. It starts the foreplay for the night early.

I love how she reacts to me when I press her up against the wall. I love the feeling of her hips grinding into mine. Her silky lips send shivers down my spine. I love her desperate kisses trying to use the time we have. I love her shallow breathing, the way her skin reacts to my touch.

I love it when 11 'o clock comes, and my door opens to reveal her white, slender foot. The night clothes she's taken to wearing…show much of that lovely, white skin. I love the way she looks at me when she comes in, her eyes dark with passion that has been building all day. I love her strip tease, her seductive smile, the way her clothes part from her flesh. I love taking her in my arms and watching her skin react. I love the soft curve of her breasts, the length of her legs as they wrap around me. I love her passionate, furious kisses and how they feel against my lips, my skin. When she's on top, I love how she slides down on me, her moan of pleasure as her hips gyrate. I love flipping her underneath as we start to climax, and the way she breathes my name as she comes, coupled with my own moans of pleasure.

I love how she never wants to leave, but drags herself out anyway with whispered promises…I love her strength, her beauty, her frailty…

Others might judge us, but how can it be wrong when it feels so right?

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Thanks for reading!!! Please review. To my Spanish translator, emeraude.lefey, Muchas Gracias! 


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